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estrangedfamily

Intro

Aug. 11th, 2013 | 11:43 pm
posted by: brokenone38 in estrangedfamily

Name (real or online): BrokenOne
Age: 38
Location (if you wish):CO
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: 5 years? I haven't really kept track, just know that it began ever since they moved here (to CO from NJ)
Anything else you think is relevant: I am estranged from my real mom and siblings. When I got/heard the news that they were moving here I was all excited, I was like Yayyy!! We will be able to talk and see each other and/or etc. on a regular basis and we'll be able to become close(r). WRONG!! The opposite has happened...we have grown apart, they NEVER call me to see how I'm doing, invite me to go anywhere and/or hangout. :( The only time we see each other is around/on big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Other than that if we see each other and/or talk, it's because I have made the effort. :(

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estrangedfamily

Intro

Jan. 28th, 2013 | 03:17 pm
posted by: escapegrace in estrangedfamily

Name (real or online):
Escapegrace

Age:
40

Location (if you wish):
UK

How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member:
Since the beginning of the year, but with various family members the estrangement has been much longer.

A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement:
The main issue is with my mum. She was emotionally cruel and abusive to me as a child, including habitual lying, gaslighting, manipulation - and I grew up feeling that I had no worth or value. Which led to some pretty destructive behaviours. I just desperately wanted her to love me, and to show love for me. I left home at 18 (she kicked me out) and we had no real relationship for the next 15 years. About seven years ago I decided that I was adult enough to be back in touch with her, and thought maybe we could build some kind of friendship based on honesty and openness. She was unable to do this. I feel that maybe she wanted to, but she couldn't meet me halfway. She has never apologised or even acknowledged the way she mistreated me. Her only explanation was "You've always been oversensitive." Finally, last Xmas, I realised that I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to try anymore.

I have a large family, and at one point was pretty close with my brothers, but as we've grown older they have wanted less and less contact and now seem to have no interest in maintaining ties. The feeling is mutual, mostly - I find them depressingly unable to be honest and open.

Recently I have found out that the one member of the family I've been very close with, my sister, is in a relationship with a controlling, aggressive, potentially violent man. He has stopped me from seeing her, and she has stopped contacting me. I've asked her to talk to me about it, but although she says, 'you're not the problem', she won't explain or discuss it with me. So we are also not really in contact. I still try to keep in touch with my baby niece, but of course it is difficult, and I live at the other end of the country, so without calls, texting and skype, there is no real way to do this.

Anything else you think is relevant:
The issue with my family is the lack of openness and honesty. EVERYTHING gets swept under the carpet. None of them are prepared to talk about anything. But I don't see how anything can ever be fixed if people are not prepared to talk with one another. I have this massive family, but I feel completely alone.

It is uniquely painful to be estranged from them, even though it is my choice. I know that I could be part of my family anytime I want to -- as long as I'm prepared to lie and hide and cover up anything bad and never speak the truth and never demand honesty and never expect acceptance or love for who I am. At the moment, it feels like it's more important for me to hold on to my reality.

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Intro post

Dec. 19th, 2011 | 03:44 pm
posted by: im_an_aaangel in estrangedfamily

Name (real or online): Emily
Age:25
Location (if you wish): Southern Illinois
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: Nearly 6 years.
A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement: My mother is a toxic personality who abused both me and my brother and my grandmother enables her behavior and disowns anyone in the family who doesn't do what she wants. She also spread several nasty rumors about me after I got married. It was pretty shocking, but not as bad as anything my mother had done. I cut contact with them both to protect my son and husband.
Anything else you think is relevant: Thinking about the things my mother has done to me and my brother still makes me angry to think about, but deep down I have a bit of regret for not letting her see her grandchild. I just want to be able to get through those feelings and try to move past it. My mother started acting that way when I turned around 15 and I feel that her actions severely changed my personality. I was very uninhibited and carefree and suddenly became cold and can barely stand to be in public for too long. It's affected my ability to do many things that other people can do. Even though it's been 6 years she's also still trying to contact me, which terrifies me.

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estrangedfamily

estranged families blog post

Dec. 17th, 2011 | 06:54 pm
posted by: pwalkeri in estrangedfamily

A blog that I like to read just posted an entry about Christmas and what it means for those of us who are estranged from family we may be otherwise spending Christmas with. Really, though, it's just a good blog in general (IMO) for people dealing with familial estrangement. It does make you take a good, hard look at yourself, though, and the role you play (good and bad) in relationships. But that's one of the things I love about it, honestly.

A week of Christmas: Adjusting Our Expectations.
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estrangedfamily

(no subject)

Nov. 5th, 2011 | 01:13 pm
mood: indescribable
posted by: illuminaris in estrangedfamily

I've been struggling lately. When you spend time with a family that loves and respects each other, it's tiresome to manage that bitterness; that stinging realization that they have what you've wanted and may never experience. For me, it's a burning envy. All of the people I've loved had their families intact, no matter the underlying issues. They weren't as out there as I was -- they didn't make the same cold, hard choice I felt I had to. And once I remembered I couldn't truly be a part of another person's family, couldn't integrate, plead my case, or just be amazing and perfect enough to fit in. Once I remembered they weren't the loved ones that had memories of me; laughter, disappointment, happiness, success, and shared hope... well... what's left? What's "family", and where's mine?

It's taken too long. Far too long. Too damn long to admit all of this. I've wandered thousands of miles to put myself out there and create my own family no matter how shoddy or far fetched of an idea it seemed. It failed. Every time. And every time, I was just as upset and hurt as the last. For a while, I listened to people that would try to rationalise my decision for me. "They're your family -- how can you walk away from them?" But they don't know what that walk is like. That walk isn't 50 feet, or a hop step and a jump. It's a walk you embark on forever; it's millions of miles. It's not as though you never look back, take the wrong steps, or get lost on paths that don't lead where you want them to go. Sometimes I'd feel like I'd walked hundreds of miles when I reached out to my family, and when they weren't meeting me anywhere close to halfway, I ran back to where I was to begin with. That's time consuming. That's baffling. That's heartbreaking. And I won't let anyone tell me differently.

So maybe some day -- though it's not now -- I'll find someone that can be a part of my family. That will put me first like I'll put them first, love me unconditionally, be devoted, caring, understanding, supportive, kind, and above all else, happy to consider me their family too. In the meantime, I'm going to give myself the biggest hug I possibly can, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm all I've got. But here's an e-hug for anyone else that wants one.

*HUG*
You are bigger than this, you are better than this, and you deserve more than this.

Two things that get me through every day:

On Interpersonal Badness

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i need some commiseration. =[

Jul. 15th, 2011 | 08:22 pm
posted by: skittish_derby in estrangedfamily

we are movingacross the country in a few weeks and my dad wants to come visit the day before we moveCollapse )

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estrangedfamily

*sigh*

Jul. 1st, 2011 | 02:37 pm
posted by: anobjectinspace in estrangedfamily

Well, let's try this thing...

Name (real or online): Topher
Age: 25
Location (if you wish): UK
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: Just over a year.
A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement: My father's side I have barely seen most of my life anyway but this year he has outdone himself... I have not yet heard from him this year. Also i do not know where he lives.

My mother's side I am vaguely in touch with some of on facebook but I don't see them. I do not talk to or see my mother. She and her entire family are extremely narcissistic, psychologically abusive and I seem to be the scapegoat. My last straw was when my grandmother abandoned my dog a my mother's, who tried to sell her three times, kept her in a cage far too small for her lying in her own pee for a YEAR, barely fed her and hit her... no-one messes with my Holly! As soon as I could, I went round there and demanded my dog back. We stopped talking then about a year ago we tested being in ouch again. It did not go well and most likely will not be happening again.
Anything else you think is relevant: Oh yeah, I don't know where my mother lives, either.

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estrangedfamily

Intro post

May. 3rd, 2011 | 02:17 pm
posted by: crysania4 in estrangedfamily

Name (real or online): Michelle, aka Crysania (I go by either)
Age: 35
Location (if you wish): Syracuse, NY
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: 2+ years
A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement: Brief? This ought to be good. The person I am estranged from is my brother. The rest of my family is awesome and I love my parents dearly. My brother, though. Well, once upon a time we were the best of friends. My parents thought it a good idea to have us 14 months apart (I'm the older one) and so we grew up as close friends.

Once he hit puberty it all changed. He got angry, really angry, over nothing. He would chase me when I came into the house, pin me to my bed, and beat me hard on the shoulder area. I was bruised all the time, but no one could ever see where those bruises were. It got so that I was scared of him and would rush to my room and lock the door before he could chase me down. I left to go to college and things SEEMED to chill out.

Then I moved home in 2004. And I discovered that things were no better. I don't even see my brother except for on holidays and even THOSE suck really bad with him.

The run down, so TOTALLY not briefCollapse )

TL;DR: My brother is a racist jerk with anger issues. Also, congrats to anyone who got through that mess.

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introductions are in order

May. 3rd, 2011 | 11:05 am
posted by: skittish_derby in estrangedfamily

Name (real or online): Jessica
Age: 23
Location (if you wish): Los Osos, CA

How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: 2007
brief description of estrangementCollapse )

I hope that my joining is appropriate, I definitely feel estranged by him even though the occasional effort is made on both sides to communicate and be friendly.  It feels like a lost cause.

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